Wishing on My Star
22nd June, 2005. 12:54 pm. Tip of the Week.
Tip of the week for all you faggots out there....Gay waiters at Pizza Hut...lolol...if anyone catches that again...do me a favor and be sure to wrap the waiter's face in dough, and then throw them in the pizza oven... we can have little faggots in a blanket....I mean...say hello to them and ask them if they would like a bay breeze...I mean...no wait..it's gotta be your bull. God I hate pizza hut so much. lol. How original...
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20th June, 2005. 9:22 am.
I'm growing very tired of such negative aspects from people, or anything in general. People that bring me down, people that play with my mind, people that I can't trust, and people that are just plain fucking ignorant. I can't stand selfishness. Never in my life have I been selfish with myself, or not intentionally at least. People have walked over me so much to the point where it just split my mind in half...I have so many questions that are constantly circulating in my head; why is there gossip, why is there drama, why do people judge you on past relationships when it isn't even their business to begin with..etc. etc. It's not easy being Gay is it...shit when I dated girls I never had this problem...things felt so much more simple. It's hard maintaining two lifestyles at one time...nights when I make the effort to hang out with my straight friends and then nights I make the effort to hang out with my gay friends...I have tried incorporating the 2 groups together a few times but found myself half the time unsuccessful due to age difference and conflict of interest when we go out. I'm at the point of breaking down...I am definitely on a downshift of my life...and constantly trying to upshift that...to do this...I realized that I can't surround myself around people who are negative to me, people I can't trust, and people who can't respect me for me; for who I am, for what I do, and for what decisions I make in my life...why did/do I surround myself originally with people like that? Easy...I was a nice guy...I put up with the bs when I didn't have to...I never said NO..I never thought about me! I never took the time to keep myself stable, healthy, and care-free towards things that didn't need to be cared for....look where I am now from that...constantly setting myself up to be hurt? NO, not anymore...fuck that...such bullshit...If anyone makes me feel this way for future reference; friends, family, lovers, even my fucking cat!, one word, one feeling I get, I'm out... Point Blank Period.. Don't even take it personal...this is for me now and me alone...and it is for me to accept things for how they are and for me to improve as a human being. I NEED to learn how to enjoy life for what it is .... not for what it could be or could have been with anyone or anything ... aight, that's it for now...I'm out.
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16th June, 2005. 11:05 am. Hoolllyyy SSShitttt!!!
August 12th, Warp Tour, Tweeter Center, I am so fucking excited....Something corporate,,amazing live, mxpx, Starting line, My Chemical romance...yeah...IM there baby.
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16th June, 2005. 10:56 am. Well hello...maybe not wear a bra next time
Sup yall, not much here guys...holy shit so much to say and so little time...so wait...wait...I guess there is much then...This past week was eventful to say the least..some good and some of course inevitably bad...for now I guess... I dunno...I won't be getting into that just to save me the stress and the depression... Hung out with my good friends this past weekend...Hung out with Greg the majority of the night then we met up with Jackie at 12:00 and bought her a few drinks for her 21st. Had a good time dancing with her. Greg sat there...goooo greg! lol..Tim and Jim were there too...Everyone after the bar pretty much split up for the night and went on their merry ways. Greg slept over on the aero-bed...those were the good old times...eh greg? eh? eh?
Saturday I had to reschedule plans sadly enough for during the day...so I went to see my friend PHil at his store he owns and helped him out reconstructing his wall for a little bit...Went out for Jackie's 21st b-day on LImo bus...holy shit...it was so nice...me, Tim, Jim, Jackie, Kevin and a few other people went downtown to Tikki bob's and Finagan's wake to party hardy...so much fun...I love spending time with those people..they make me feel not my age lol. Loves it. Then Jackie got upset at someone that wasn't really welcome on the Limo Bus and she had the driver drive off without that person...lol..Jackie I love you for doing that!! Actually, I love you reguardless...Kevin got sicky and I cried haha.
Sunday, went to pride for a little bit and it ended up that I didn't want to be there for one second! It just sucked my brown eye cyclops. Got to see Amy, who I haven't seen for a long time so that was a huge plus...Then I went to my friend Rachel's graduation party for a little bit...I met her through Tim a while back and she is probably one of the brightest I have known...She is gonna be an executive someday...look at me Rachel...Pro...Caught someone catching a grape on her shoulder then looking like a retard trying to get it in her mouth...was the best thing I have ever seen...well.. not the best..nothing beats watching someone trip and fall...but that's just me. When to Timmy's pool for a bit with kevin and jimmy..said goodbye...then called it a night...sheesh, what a weekend.
Been sicky the majority of this week...my mom gave me this big ass head cold and yeah...I haven't been sleeping that well from it! Met up with my friend Derek for Dinner this week. He's probably the 2nd gay guy i ever talked to at the time lol...I haven't seen him for 2 years! he was in town for business...normally he works in allentown...Went to the Great American and just caught up on life, He and his boyfriend have been going out for 3 years!!! He's been troubled by what's going on...He feels like things are getting too routine, they don't see alot of people anymore, they go to bed early at night, they take showers together alll the time...I was like omg...rolled my eyes...please...it was so easy to help this kid out...He came seeking advice...holy shit did I have a mouthful to say on that one...all good of course. I like being married, it's fun lol...but the downs that he and his bf Rich are going through right now made me so thankful that I'm single right now...So much to do, so little time...
This weekend, Me, tim k. and Matt, maybe also Tim s. and heather are going down the shore for a day this weekend. Matt will hopefully have his motorcycle back and we can ride our bikes down to the shore...I can't wait to ride down to the shore with beautiful weather and smell the bay as we roll in...so many memories flash through my head when that smell runs right up my nose. All the way from my childhood to 2 summers ago...
I think that's about it for now...I def. talked...but i guess that was due considering I haven't written in a while..I think I'll write more often but next time I'll try and keep it simple and not as long...this was just the beginning my friends...I would like to improve how I write,,,yeah a goal of mine...hopefully I'll keep it interesting to myself and for other people to read. BAck to work!!! lada
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26th March, 2005. 9:31 am. Ok So I'm Back
More to come....Was just trying to get you guys excited. Yaaaayyyy.
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16th January, 2005. 10:10 pm.
Greg came over tonight to eat dinner and watch Garden State with me. I cooked chicken alfredo!mmmm so good. I forgot how much that movie perceived life as something that should never be wasted. There is only one life, so live it!!! That movie makes me feel soooo good :) Now, I only need to watch Eternal Sunshine. I heard that it's an awesome movie. Based on other people, it seems like it would have such an important impact on the decisions we make today, mostly involving love. Which is cool. I always wonder when I'm actually gonna fall in love again. Love is so important to me and has always been a big part of my life in one way or another. Ah god I miss it...so much. I felt so complete when I had it. I'm not saying that I dont' have any love now..I mean I have family and friends, but it's not the same. All of you guys know that, and I know everyone misses it one way or another. I feel old. There's a part of me that wants to just let loose, drop what I'm doing, and just leave and explore things, even if it's just around here. but then there's another part of me that can't. I just feel restricted with work and the fact that if I do do something I want to do, I'll pay for it the next day at work and be miserabley tired. I miss being young. I guess you could say i miss alot of things i used to do, when i felt more free. So why am I dwelling on it so much? Shouldn't I just realize that and just think on how I should be doings now and not think how I did things in the past? I'm fucked up. I still need to get some things in order with what I want to do, like my job, my life, where I want to be. Part of me is kinda glad that I don't have a bf now. I still dont' think I'm ready for one yet :/ But very soon, I will be. I feel it. Welp that's it, it's getting late, and like I said, I'm fucking old now and I need my sleep for work tomorrow :/ Wish I could be with you kids, but I guess I'm in that very phase of life that everyone is destined to reach at one point. Night.
16th January, 2005. 12:59 pm. Let's see...
So this weekend was pretty chill. Friday night, Tina, Pam, Greg, Kevin and I went to Bounce in Southern New jersey. The place was disgusting, but the drinks were cheap and I had a really good time with everyone. Yesterday, I woke up really late and headed over to Tim's to watch Big Fish and eat chinese food. Very relaxing. I enjoyed that alot. Not to mention, Big Fish was the best movie I've seen and it is now one of my personal favorites. Went to Tonei's b-day party and his friend Sean's place later last night. Was good to see everyone. Greg and I chilled for a little bit after the party at Tim's and played his new 007 games and some Metroid. Today, I splurged and bought four movies at best buy: Eternal Sunshine, Big Fish of course, Anchorman, and Garden State. I'm excited to watch them. aight, well I have to go for now. Ill finish this up later. late.
13th January, 2005. 8:58 am. Trust or Bust!
So yesterday was basically a blah day for me. It truely is amazing what people will do to keep a certain image about themselves. Even lying to you about who they are, what they have done, and what they want to accomplish in life. I think the strongest thing I have in my life is the love I have for my family and also my friends. What is a best friend? A best friend is an angel sent to you from heaven, who is always there for you, to fix your wings when they are broken, so you can fly again. What keeps a certain bond together between two people? It's trust! Trust is everything to me when it comes to friendships and even love. Trust and loyalty are sort of intertwined in certain aspects I think. But. If there is no trust, then whatever it is you have going for ya, it definitely isn't lasting very long. I learned that the hard way and I have gone through much pain and suffering over it. It's not something I can easily give away anymore, it is something that needs to be earned. I should have always stood by that rule the whole time, but I didn't unfortunately, and I always found myself getting hurt b/c of it. Someone broke that rule recently. And it was someone that I was growing very very fond of for who he was, but then I caught him in a lie, and I had no choice but to tell him to fuck off! I can't stand fags....
No Trust= No friendship/love = Have a nice life!
However, Last night was fun. Went over Tim's to play some Metroid (loves it) and had a few drinks. Then I headed over to Tina's for Jess's b-day. Fun times. Almost got a little drunky. ooops. rough day. Greg and I played some text message games here and there. That was pretty funny too. So last night cheered me up quite well. Ok, I have to get to work, or my ass is grass. lada journal.
11th January, 2005. 11:33 am. sup
so yeah, I heard some disturbing news yesterday about someone i was going to meet on wed. night. We talked on the phone for a long time yesterday, and for the most part, I thought it went very well and I was actually found myself growing more fond of him the more I talked to him. We've been talking for about a month and half now. Then he said something that made me lose all of my respect that started growing for him. I must say I really did start liking the kid. I thought he was different. I thought there would have been a good chance too since I was introduced to him through a mutual friend of ours, of whom I went to school with. I dunno, what a waste, I'm so fucking bummed. We'll be having a little chat tonight, that's for sure.
10th January, 2005. 1:26 pm. :/
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ok, so I'm down in the dumps right now for no fucking reason, and I'm obviously bored as hell b/c I keep writing in my journal. Bill was texting me and chearing me up, that cutie. I think it's weird that I've been nervous about our date since last week. Tina says that it's normal. I'm just hoping everything will go well. If not, I guess no biggie. His dog literally looks like a stuffed animal..kinda funny.